IC Inbox - Eastbound

[binghua]

xiao xingchen

missives | encounters

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[binghua]

[He gets to the door and finds the offered tea after a few moments.]

The honor is mine, Hanguang-jun, to be given such a kind gift. Lan Sizhui offers me the same friendliness when he can. I see now it is a trait well-instilled in him.

[Not that this comes as any sort of surprise. Lan Wangji is a sect heir and one who has worked hard for the reputation he has gained. Of course, he would be just as thoughtful.]

This one hopes he is not taking up too much of Hanguang-jun's time.

[downswing]

This sect is unworthy of daozhang's attention towards our disciple.

( But grateful and not dismissive of Xiao Xingchen's conclusion. A mannered boy, their Sizhui. Strong. )

Time does not elude me. Only wisdom.

[binghua]

Your sect should be proud of such a man. I imagine his future to be very bright.

[He settles down at a makeshift table in his quarters and sorts out a cup of tea for himself, letting his hands warm around it.]

Hmm. Would it be too arrogant of me to think that is why I have been sought out? I would hate to disappoint.

[downswing]

Only a gift, not reimbursement.

( There can be, among relations, instances of kindness without profit. )

We can suit kindness.

[binghua]

[There's a smile evident in his voice.]

Fear not. I never ask for payment.

[He picks up the cup of tea and raises it to his face to let the steam warm him and the aroma fill his nostrils. It's a little sharp, but in a comforting way. When it cools off enough, he's sure it will be delightful to drink.]

Thank you. I've truly been blessed in my life to have met some very good people.

[downswing]

( A sigh so slow, sizzled and effervescent. Oil dripped off the summer pan. )

Master Song Lan's absence grieves.

[binghua]

[This conversation has been going so nicely that Xingchen thinks little of Lan Wangji's exhale. And then he replies, so few words that pierce Xingchen's heart. His breathing hitches and he needs a few moments to gather himself. Lan Wangji has quite a sharp bite, doesn't he?]

...This land does not deserve to have him.

[downswing]

Daozhang's resilience is masterful.

[binghua]

[Is it resilience or loneliness?]

Maybe I'm just selfish and don't want to share him too much.

[But despite his teasing words, there isn't much joy in his voice. He really does miss Song Lan.]

[downswing]

My sympathies. To have one's soulmate parted.

[binghua]

[Soulmate.

Yes.

That is what Song Lan always had been, always will be despite their distance, at least in Xingchen's mind. It's still so difficult to think of him after everything that happened, even though Xingchen holds him in the highest regard. The best man he's ever known. His dearest friend.

He finally sips the tea, the heat of it scalding his throat slightly. A momentary distraction. It's fine. It's fine.]

Wei Wuxian told me that Song-daozhang searches for me. Perhaps one day soon I will be able to see him again.

[He takes another sip, his body more used to the heat now.]

The tea is very good.

[downswing]

( And how to speak of it? Softened, like touch on gossamer, fingertips grazing the thread. As if Xiao Xingchen is of the shujing, shyly bound not to a tree, but the husk of his human shape. )

This life and the next, your heart will walk beside him. ( A political truth. May the precepts forgive him. ) The gift is unworthy. I thank daozhang's acceptance.

[binghua]

[His voice softens, but some joy starts to bleed its way back into his voice.]

That is more than I could ever hope for.

[He returns to warming his hands around the cup.]

It is a wonderful gift, as is Hanguang-jun indulging this lowly one for a time.

[downswing]

We are not so estranged that courtesy must bind you.

[binghua]

Do you, like Wei Wuxian, have memory of meeting me once before? As I told him, I have not had the opportunity until we all arrived here.

[downswing]

I do. Apologies, that we impose upon daozhang with the intimacy of acquaintance.

[binghua]

Not at all, not at all! As confused as I may have been, now it is a curiosity more than anything. I have been able to put, well, a voice to your name. I've been able to actually meet my shizhi. If anyone should offer apologies it must be me for not being the man I once was.

[downswing]

( Ah. And this quiets him — the soft, implicit reminder of his limitations, the curse stains of taciturnity. Daozhang did not even know his voice. )

A ghost of the past is not improved on the man you are.

[binghua]

[Xingchen disagrees with that sentiment. Yes, he was foolish and naive then - still is, really - but he didn't have blood on his hands. He was still whole and happy, with a plan for the future and a dear friend at his side with whom to carry out that future.

Now...well. He thinks he understands why Baoshan Sanren chose to leave the mortal world behind a little more every day. He would leave this version of himself behind, if he could.

But arguing about that isn't going to accomplish anything productive, nor does he want to argue. He likes Lan Wangji, after all, and would like to hope the feeling is a little mutual.]

Forgive me. It is easier to look back than it is to look forward.

[downswing]

( Silence is a treasured thing, ill broken, seldom borrowed. He hesitates. )

As ever in the midst of maelstrom. Daozhang, you have family. I beseech.

[binghua]

[You have family. Xingchen has never really...longed for familial bonds as much as some people might. Yes, he'd felt a pang of loneliness when he visited Baixue Temple with Song Lan before and saw how everyone respected his partner and cared for him as a family might. Yes, he was a little jealous when thinking about how Song Lan could return to his home when he wished while Xingchen had been cut off for good. But that was the way of things and he found contentment wandering the world with one constant at his side until it was constant no more.

Yes, he had collected a tiny little broken family in Yi City, but...that cannot stand for long, knowing what he does now. And then there's Wei Wuxian, the martial nephew he never knew except by horrid reputation whom he has claimed as his own.

Maybe he's always been a little needy, actually.

But he takes Lan Wangji's words and holds them close for a moment, letting them warm his heart. Then he smiles a little and cannot stop himself from teasing.]

Might this one dare to claim you as nephew, too?

[downswing]

I stand life-bound to your nephew. Father to his son.

Daozhang, we are kin and kind.

[binghua]

...So we are.

[Just give him this moment to let that continue washing over him. It's...nice to be claimed like this, or even to be the one doing the claiming, but still being accepted in turn. Maybe this little family had already been created under the heavens, but to have someone name it aloud makes a difference, too.]

He is your soulmate, yes? Keep him close. Such a bond is not meant to be severed.

[Xingchen knows. His chest aches unbearably whenever he thinks of Song Lan. Ah, but then Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian had been separated, hadn't they?]

...I suppose you know that better than most, though.

[downswing]

Less than some. Daozhang...

[binghua]

I'm all right.

[Keep saying it until it comes true.]

I've made it this long.