[Xingchen disagrees with that sentiment. Yes, he was foolish and naive then - still is, really - but he didn't have blood on his hands. He was still whole and happy, with a plan for the future and a dear friend at his side with whom to carry out that future.
Now...well. He thinks he understands why Baoshan Sanren chose to leave the mortal world behind a little more every day. He would leave this version of himself behind, if he could.
But arguing about that isn't going to accomplish anything productive, nor does he want to argue. He likes Lan Wangji, after all, and would like to hope the feeling is a little mutual.]
Forgive me. It is easier to look back than it is to look forward.
[You have family. Xingchen has never really...longed for familial bonds as much as some people might. Yes, he'd felt a pang of loneliness when he visited Baixue Temple with Song Lan before and saw how everyone respected his partner and cared for him as a family might. Yes, he was a little jealous when thinking about how Song Lan could return to his home when he wished while Xingchen had been cut off for good. But that was the way of things and he found contentment wandering the world with one constant at his side until it was constant no more.
Yes, he had collected a tiny little broken family in Yi City, but...that cannot stand for long, knowing what he does now. And then there's Wei Wuxian, the martial nephew he never knew except by horrid reputation whom he has claimed as his own.
Maybe he's always been a little needy, actually.
But he takes Lan Wangji's words and holds them close for a moment, letting them warm his heart. Then he smiles a little and cannot stop himself from teasing.]
[Just give him this moment to let that continue washing over him. It's...nice to be claimed like this, or even to be the one doing the claiming, but still being accepted in turn. Maybe this little family had already been created under the heavens, but to have someone name it aloud makes a difference, too.]
He is your soulmate, yes? Keep him close. Such a bond is not meant to be severed.
[Xingchen knows. His chest aches unbearably whenever he thinks of Song Lan. Ah, but then Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian had been separated, hadn't they?]
...I suppose you know that better than most, though.
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A ghost of the past is not improved on the man you are.
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Now...well. He thinks he understands why Baoshan Sanren chose to leave the mortal world behind a little more every day. He would leave this version of himself behind, if he could.
But arguing about that isn't going to accomplish anything productive, nor does he want to argue. He likes Lan Wangji, after all, and would like to hope the feeling is a little mutual.]
Forgive me. It is easier to look back than it is to look forward.
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As ever in the midst of maelstrom. Daozhang, you have family. I beseech.
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Yes, he had collected a tiny little broken family in Yi City, but...that cannot stand for long, knowing what he does now. And then there's Wei Wuxian, the martial nephew he never knew except by horrid reputation whom he has claimed as his own.
Maybe he's always been a little needy, actually.
But he takes Lan Wangji's words and holds them close for a moment, letting them warm his heart. Then he smiles a little and cannot stop himself from teasing.]
Might this one dare to claim you as nephew, too?
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Daozhang, we are kin and kind.
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[Just give him this moment to let that continue washing over him. It's...nice to be claimed like this, or even to be the one doing the claiming, but still being accepted in turn. Maybe this little family had already been created under the heavens, but to have someone name it aloud makes a difference, too.]
He is your soulmate, yes? Keep him close. Such a bond is not meant to be severed.
[Xingchen knows. His chest aches unbearably whenever he thinks of Song Lan. Ah, but then Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian had been separated, hadn't they?]
...I suppose you know that better than most, though.
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[Keep saying it until it comes true.]
I've made it this long.
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[Just...mostly. And including one person in particular he doesn't like to talk about.]
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Mn. As I said before, you are always welcome at my door, as well, should the need ever arise.