[There is no hesitation, it does not even occur to Xue Yang to hesitate for a moment. He leans forward, closer to Xingchen, his eyes on Xingchen's face, reading it the way he has for years. He does not need his eyes to do so, Xingchen's expression has always been easy to interpret.]
[He gives an acknowledging nod, then carefully raises his hands up the rest of the way until his fingertips find warm skin. Then he presses his hands more fully to Xie Yang's cheeks, just holding him there and getting a feel for the shape of his face.
Slowly he starts to move, thumbs brushing along cheekbones, index fingers reaching the edge of eye sockets.
Almost too familiar.
He explores Xue Yang's face in a way he never really has before, with careful consideration, frowning in concentration as he tries to reconcile this face beneath his fingers with the one in his memory.
One hand moves up to brush a thumb over his brows while the other hesitantly allows the fingertips to graze over his lips.]
Your features are sharp. Your expressions can be harsh when you want to frighten, but if you allow yourself to be more...calm, then you can be handsome. Charming.
You know that I want more than that. Why ask like that, is it to be cruel? Ah, daozhang, have I taught you too well? A tease.
[Xue Yang laughs and shakes his head, then he reaches for Xingchen's hands, threading their fingers together. He looks at him and he wonders if he can still feel it. He feels he must, as he looks at him with such intensity. As everything else in thw rold fades away.]
[He's honest, instead, though some may consider honesty to be cruel at times.
But he allows their hands to be joined, noticing that nub of Xue Yang's pinky where it should rest fully against his own. He feels the eyes upon him, as well. Xue Yang looks at him a lot, though, so this isn't new. A lot of this isn't new. The touching and the intimacy and mysterious force of the universe that keeps drawing them together.
No, it isn't hard to guess what Xue Yang wants. Xingchen has difficulty understanding him at times, yes, but he can also be...quite simple.
Like a child, really.
Still, there's a fluttering sensation in his gut as he answers and he dare not speak too loudly in case he's entirely wrong.]
[He says it right away, without hesitation, but his voice stays quiet as well, matching Xingchen's volume. It seems more precious this way. More intimate. The way it should be, because who else needs to know? Who else can ever understand?]
You have me.
[He gestures with his arms, but also produces a sound with his tongue to accompany it, conveying the meaning. This is simple, this is obvious. This makes sense.]
[He didn't want to part with him, obviously, but whatever. He's trying to not upset him. In a way. He knows he always will and sometimes he enjoys that he can, but for the moment?]
[Distracted him by being beautiful, he imagines is the excuse. Not that Xingchen feels beautiful in pretty much any aspect, but that's not something worth arguing with Xue Yang.
At least this way he can prepare himself to meet the other man come tomorrow instead of getting surprised by him. That's probably for the best.]
Mn. I will meet you then.
[He gathers up the rest of his belongings. Now he just has to figure out what to do with all these new feelings and revelations. How to get through his life.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You are clever. Resourceful. Resilient.
[Slowly, Xingchen raises his hands, holding them out at about chest height.]
Lean forward.
[He remembers what Xue Yang looks like, but memories fade with time, even important memories. He needs to build a fresh image in his mind.]
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I'm here, daozhang.
no subject
Slowly he starts to move, thumbs brushing along cheekbones, index fingers reaching the edge of eye sockets.
Almost too familiar.
He explores Xue Yang's face in a way he never really has before, with careful consideration, frowning in concentration as he tries to reconcile this face beneath his fingers with the one in his memory.
One hand moves up to brush a thumb over his brows while the other hesitantly allows the fingertips to graze over his lips.]
Your features are sharp. Your expressions can be harsh when you want to frighten, but if you allow yourself to be more...calm, then you can be handsome. Charming.
no subject
[He does know how to be charming, in his own way, but there has to be quite a treat at stake for him to go to the effort.]
The women at the brothels would say it too, but they had no sweets.
[Of considerable less interest.]
Daozhang, no one is beautiful like you. From you, just the words are sweet enough. I need no pastry to want to charm you.
no subject
Mn. Those women sell sweets of a different nature.
[And nothing a young child would likely find appealing. Unless Xue Yang visited them as an adult? Xingchen doesn't dwell on that. It doesn't matter.
What matters is how Xue Yang very openly charms him. And how Xingchen doesn't hate it.]
What do you want, then? Just to look at me?
no subject
[Xue Yang laughs and shakes his head, then he reaches for Xingchen's hands, threading their fingers together. He looks at him and he wonders if he can still feel it. He feels he must, as he looks at him with such intensity. As everything else in thw rold fades away.]
You know what I want. Don't you?
no subject
[He's honest, instead, though some may consider honesty to be cruel at times.
But he allows their hands to be joined, noticing that nub of Xue Yang's pinky where it should rest fully against his own. He feels the eyes upon him, as well. Xue Yang looks at him a lot, though, so this isn't new. A lot of this isn't new. The touching and the intimacy and mysterious force of the universe that keeps drawing them together.
No, it isn't hard to guess what Xue Yang wants. Xingchen has difficulty understanding him at times, yes, but he can also be...quite simple.
Like a child, really.
Still, there's a fluttering sensation in his gut as he answers and he dare not speak too loudly in case he's entirely wrong.]
...You want...me.
no subject
[He says it right away, without hesitation, but his voice stays quiet as well, matching Xingchen's volume. It seems more precious this way. More intimate. The way it should be, because who else needs to know? Who else can ever understand?]
You have me.
[He gestures with his arms, but also produces a sound with his tongue to accompany it, conveying the meaning. This is simple, this is obvious. This makes sense.]
Fair is fair.
no subject
Thoughts race through his mind and he can do nothing but let them run their course.
Then why did you hurt me?
I shouldn't I shouldn't I shouldn't
This feels nice, to be liked and to like someone in turn.
He breathes in and he breathes out. What is he supposed to do?]
I see.
no subject
[He didn't want to part with him, obviously, but whatever. He's trying to not upset him. In a way. He knows he always will and sometimes he enjoys that he can, but for the moment?]
It's late. You'll be tired otherwise.
no subject
[He didn't think it was so late when he came out here, but maybe it was. Sometimes his internal clock doesn't work the way it should.]
Mn. Thank you. For your help.
[Xingchen rises to his feet, but then remembers something.]
How was your carving coming along?
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[He makes a vague sound that is accompanied by an equally vague gesture, then snorts.]
I'll get it to you tomorrow, daozhang. So you'll know to expect me. Won't that be nice? You won't have to miss me for long.
[The mockery in his voice is directed at himself rather than Xingchen, he does not believe the man ever misses him.]
no subject
At least this way he can prepare himself to meet the other man come tomorrow instead of getting surprised by him. That's probably for the best.]
Mn. I will meet you then.
[He gathers up the rest of his belongings. Now he just has to figure out what to do with all these new feelings and revelations. How to get through his life.]